Photographs From Albuquerque/ Santa Fe/ Palagiano
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
survival guide
So after a recent overnight in the county jail I wanted to post some things that you really need to know if you do go to the big house... so here it is, a survival guide to jail:
1) Memorize 5 people's phone numbers that will bail you out/ vouch for you/ pick you up from jail. Really.
2) No matter what cops say, you will be there a long time. >10 hours. Knowing this helps.
3) Make friends, if you can, with all the people you meet at the substation/ on the chartered bus trip to jail... 80% of the people are first timers and will go through the process with you. It is good to have friends.
4) Make friends with a person who has been in before... the scarier the better (it just might help you later) and they can tell you how it all works.
5) Don't eat the food. Seriously, if you can stand it, don't.
6) Don't fluch the toilet. These things can suck down small children without a problem, they are like thunder to dogs. You piss people off if you wake them with a flush. You don't want to piss people off.
7) There are no "one call payphones" in jail. That's the movies. You get 15 minutes to hope that you get on a phone (there are only 10ish) and that you can get through to someone that can save your ass.
8) Get on a phone someone else has had a conversation on, this phone works... most do not.
9) Be nice and act dumb to the process to every administrator/ clerk you meet. They will pity you and help you... they are your way out.
10) If you can do not fall asleep. Stay awake because your name is called intermittently to be photographed/ printed/ dated... tons of bullshit. If you sleep through it who knows if or when they will call you. If you have followed #2 these homies will help wake you if you do crash.
11) Remember, Everyone there is going through the same thing. Fear not (too much).
12) After being arrested ask dumb questions in the cruiser and be nice. This will help you lower your actual charge. It does... so fake it.
So I hope you never have to go to jail. Be smart, don't do things that will get you sent there (assault on police officer) but also act passive and stupid to cops, that is what they want... fake it.
I may add to this... as I think of more things. love, stephen.
1) Memorize 5 people's phone numbers that will bail you out/ vouch for you/ pick you up from jail. Really.
2) No matter what cops say, you will be there a long time. >10 hours. Knowing this helps.
3) Make friends, if you can, with all the people you meet at the substation/ on the chartered bus trip to jail... 80% of the people are first timers and will go through the process with you. It is good to have friends.
4) Make friends with a person who has been in before... the scarier the better (it just might help you later) and they can tell you how it all works.
5) Don't eat the food. Seriously, if you can stand it, don't.
6) Don't fluch the toilet. These things can suck down small children without a problem, they are like thunder to dogs. You piss people off if you wake them with a flush. You don't want to piss people off.
7) There are no "one call payphones" in jail. That's the movies. You get 15 minutes to hope that you get on a phone (there are only 10ish) and that you can get through to someone that can save your ass.
8) Get on a phone someone else has had a conversation on, this phone works... most do not.
9) Be nice and act dumb to the process to every administrator/ clerk you meet. They will pity you and help you... they are your way out.
10) If you can do not fall asleep. Stay awake because your name is called intermittently to be photographed/ printed/ dated... tons of bullshit. If you sleep through it who knows if or when they will call you. If you have followed #2 these homies will help wake you if you do crash.
11) Remember, Everyone there is going through the same thing. Fear not (too much).
12) After being arrested ask dumb questions in the cruiser and be nice. This will help you lower your actual charge. It does... so fake it.
So I hope you never have to go to jail. Be smart, don't do things that will get you sent there (assault on police officer) but also act passive and stupid to cops, that is what they want... fake it.
I may add to this... as I think of more things. love, stephen.
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